Throughout the weekend I encountered many people who played significant roles in my life but have not been an active part of it in years. With some that meant we had lots to catch up on, with others it mean skipping the years missed and filling one another in on the here and now. Not having ever met the groom or any of his friends before this same weekend meant gaining many new friends and hearing and experiencing who they are. Regardless of what the situation was, listening was a huge part of it all.
I am beginning to realize, through classes and life, the need to not only listen, but to hear what it is each person and situation is truly trying to convey both in what they say and what they neglect to say. Do not just assume you know what someone is trying to say because you think you have experienced the same thing or you have more skill or education in the area but put your own thoughts aside and hear the person you are engaging at the time.
In class I am constantly being told to listen to to what my clients are saying. Listen by hearing their words, including in that their background and perspective, their non verbal actions and gestures, what they highlight in speaking, things they avoid and anxiety levels in the room. Who knew there was so much to hearing someone?
What has prompted my thinking about these things? My hair. This lady came over to do everyone's hair for the wedding if they so desired. The time came and the lady was just incredibly unsatisfied with the state of my hair. I had washed, dried and straightened my hair, applied a little gel and pulled some pieces back. I thought it was a pretty good effort on my part and that I was not going to mess up the vibe of the wedding by being a hair disaster or anything. She just had a strong desire to create some curls in my hair. I thought that would be fine but I went ahead and gave the normal disclaimer I give to anyone about to wash, cut, dry or style my hair: "my hair is super thick, it isn't straight nor is it curly. it is really good at frizzing and being huge...sometimes it just does whatever it wants no matter what you try to do so just take that into consideration when you decide what you want to create with my hair" her response was something like: "Honey, do you think I care? This is my job, hair is what I do and I am really really good at it, It does not matter what your hair is like." I thought maybe she would care, I was just trying to give her a frame of reference...but
Fair enough.
About 10 minutes later she stops what she is doing and says "Your hair is really stubborn, did you know that?" I thought of course I knew that, I tried explaining that to her before we began the process. She looked at it for a few more minutes and said "Well, I cannot do anything else for you. Your hair is just doing whatever it wants and does not want to obey. These curls just are not working."
Leave it to me to have stubborn hair. She left it to me to salvage the curls and the lack there of that she could not get to stay in my hair. Perhaps had she listened she might have tried something a little different...something that would not go awry with stubborn hair as curls can often do, something that I would not have needed to finish up for her. So I finished doing my hair again while beginning to think about the importance of listening and hearing.
Isn't my family sweet?
1 comment:
Ah, that's like when customers disagree with you about things that you are absolutely not wrong on. My favorite.
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